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You owe it to yourself and the world. Here’s how…
Many of us are taught to be strong and keep our problem, beliefs, outlook and emotions to ourselves. We are taught that the world is a hostile place, and “survival of the fittest is the motto of life.” Don’t show your weak side, as people will take advantage of you; fake it to you make it as the only way to survive. Pretend to be someone you are not; smile even if you want to cry and fit in despite how you feel.
From this stems a world of fear, power and control. We prevent ourselves from being who we are or from expressing what we believe is right for us, based on the fear of judgement, ridicule and rejection. This in turn leads to anxiety and depression.
It’s not easy to allow the world to know our flaws, weaknesses, and failures. It’s equally difficult to tell people who we really are, what we really believe or who we really want to be in the world. Yet, each of us seem to have an element of this to some degree. We hide our sexual preferences, gender, religious beliefs, political stance, education or career to name a few. Often going with the norm, not to stand out in a crowd.
This has made me reflect and debate, the why. I mean if we are all doing this to some degree, then what stops us from saying no more? What stops us from asking deep questions like – “Is this my truth? Do I want to feel this way? Who am I doing this for? How bad is it actually going to be if I live my life my way?”
Vulnerability doesn’t come easy, but it provides tremendous freedom and paves the way forward for others to do the same. Based on my own experience, people eventually adjust to who you are and eventually forget who you once pretended to be. Others, say goodbye and move on, not able to adjust their comfort zone to your reality. Yet, being vulnerable, allows you accept yourself, flaws, beliefs and position and purpose in the world despite judgement. It provides you with the gift of inner power and strength.
People will always judge you, simply because of the different points of view they have. Your job, is to simply see it as a point of view and not gospel.
Vulnerability does not only give you power, it also provides the space needed for others to do the same.
Here are a few ideas to practice self-acceptance through vulnerability:
- Realize that fear is the primary obstacle. Yet, there is nothing more fearful than someone who cannot be controlled. Reflect – Is what people are telling you, true for you or is this just their way of stroking their comfort zone?
- Think about the times you’re least likely to be vulnerable and authentic. When are you most likely to pretend to be something you’re not? In what parts of your life do you play small? What makes you shrink back? Who are you serving by doing this? How could you be more vulnerable in those areas of your life?
- People who allow themselves to be vulnerable are respected. Everyone knows how challenging it is to be open and vulnerable. You’ll gain friends, respect, and admiration if you can find the strength to be vulnerable. Test this.
- People trust those that are vulnerable. When you’re vulnerable, people can see who you are. The fact that you’re willing to be so honest gives everyone insight into what makes you tick. People find this comforting and can relax around you. Think about a time when you were vulnerable, how did others respond? If you have never done this, then think about a time when you saw someone else be vulnerable – how did you respond to their courage?
- Everyone has similar issues and challenges. You might be worried that your weaknesses and concerns will make you seem odd. People are more alike than not. Everyone is struggling with similar issues. When you allow yourself to be
vulnerable, you’ll also help others to see that their concerns are normal, too. How does this statement make you feel? - Start small. There are many ways you can make yourself vulnerable, but not too much! In time, you can up the stakes as your confidence and courage grow. Practice:
*Giving a sincere thank you;
*Admitting a small weakness. You might admit to someone that you’re not very patient or maybe you’re not organized.
*Apologize for something that you did or failed to do. Everyone has plenty of opportunities to do this.
*Talk about a time you failed. Pick a small failure that you can laugh about.
*Do something in front of others that you’re not good at. Maybe you’re a terrible bowler, golfer, or bad at playing cards and then laugh when you mess up. - Your relationships are strengthened. Being vulnerable encourages others to do the same. You’ll become closer to your friends, family, and romantic partner. Vulnerability creates a greater and deeper bond. It creates emotional risk and uncertainty, but avoiding vulnerability creates other challenges. You’re never free to be yourself when you hide yourself from the world. You can feel lonely, disconnected, and frustrated. Your relationships lack depth. Realize that those who choose to move on without you, were never meant to stay in your life.
- Learn more about you and accept yourself. You’ll need to develop courage and personal insight to be vulnerable. Vulnerability can be frightening, but it is a necessary part of freeing yourself from your emotional bondage. If you want to fully develop as a person, vulnerability is part of the cost.
Take one action today to show a little vulnerability. Ask your partner or close friend to do something for you or to give you something that you need. A ride to the airport doesn’t count! Ask for support or advice. See what happens.
For more information on Sarah Brink and her coaching services go to www.sarahbrink.com/coaching or email sarahbrinkassistant@gmail.com
