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I am often asked how to tell the difference between Intuition and Ego when it comes to making decisions or acting upon information.
It’s not always easy to tell if our choices are coming from the right place. However, if you follow your intuition, your life is likely to be more enjoyable and meaningful. Choosing to follow your ego, may lead you to success in many ways, but you may find yourself wondering why you’re not as happy as you think you could be.
The ego loves to hear its own voice. Its job is to keep you in your comfort zone. It will monologue about what is right or wrong, mainly focusing on what is wrong about the situation. The ego usually speaks the loudest, and likes to brag that it knows what’s best for you based on all of your past experiences. It loves to share just how amazing you are in the world. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying ego is a bad thing. A little ego is good for us because it motivates us to achieve things we may not otherwise accomplish.
In life, there comes a time when we should listen to the voice inside of us that tells us what our soul needs. It tells us what we are meant to do for the world, in a gentle voice that speaks to us rapidly and without judgment.
Learning to determine whether you’re being guided by intuition or ego can make a huge difference in your life. While there are no hard and fast rules to make the distinction, there are several tendencies of each that can serve as a guide.
Consider these differences:
1. Ego-based decisions are grounded in fear and self-preservation.
For example, if you decide to go to medical school primarily for financial security or status, that’s scarcity thinking, and that’s the ego. If you choose to go to medical school because you believe you will make a difference in the world, not caring what others think about your decision, that’s love and, therefore, your intuition.
2. Ego-based decisions typically have emotions connected to them.
Emotional decisions based on anger, pride, fear, justification, and judgment are connected to the ego. For example, you feel resentful towards your mother-in-law and choose not to buy her something nice for her birthday. That’s your ego talking. However, if you listen to that little voice and go ahead and buy her that little trinket you know she’ll love, that’s your intuition leading you toward love and healing.
3. A choice made from a place of intuition just feels “right.”
The ideas often come out of left field. For example, you’re mowing the grass and are hit with the idea of becoming a dog breeder. That’s your intuition, and the resulting battle in your head afterwards trying to figure out the how, is your ego convincing you it may not work.
4. Ego-based decisions focus on external results.
Are you writing a book because you want to be a best-selling author, or are you writing a book because you’re fascinated with the idea of writing a book? Are you taking action to gain specific results, or does the action itself provide sufficient satisfaction?
5. Ego-based decisions involve rationalization.
Your ego is excellent at convincing you that it’s protecting you and its choice is the right one. It will have you thinking, “I’ll never find an amazing partner. I’m not even pretty, and I have nothing to offer. Perhaps I’m meant to be alone.” All that is just rationalizations based on fear – fear of success or fear of failure. Either way, your ego is trying to keep you in status-quo.
6. The ego tries to justify itself with facts, figures, and logic.
Intuition doesn’t require these tricks to compel you. If you’re using logic to convince yourself of a course of action, you can bet that’s your ego whining.
7. Intuition doesn’t judge.
A thought or decision arising from intuition doesn’t involve judgment statements about right & wrong or good & bad. Intuitive thoughts feel calm, relaxed, and peaceful. There’s a universal truth to an idea that arises from intuition.
8. With the ego, the expected gratification is external instead of internal.
Would you make the same choice if no one ever knew? Would you donate to charity without telling anyone? Would you buy a big house if no one ever knew where you lived? Are your actions because they feel right, or because you want admiration?
9. While the ego can be very limiting, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s wrong.
Remember, the ego’s motivation is primarily based on self-preservation. It believes it has your best interests at heart. Ignoring the ego can be challenging. It uses fear to influence you. It’s only natural to avoid fear and seek comfort.
I have seen many of my clients destroyed by their egos. It wears them down constantly. In fact one of my clients mentioned that he always bought really expensive gifts for his friends, even though he couldn’t afford it. He did this, because everyone else did the same and his ego told him that he would be judged if he didn’t.
During one of our sessions, he mentioned that he was in financial ruin and wasn’t sure what to do, as his best friends birthday was approaching. He didn’t have the money to buy an expensive gift for him. After a lengthy conversation, he decided to purchase something really small and inexpensive. His fear however, was that he would lose his friendship.
When I met him again two weeks later, he was pleasantly surprised at how grateful his friend was for the inexpensive gift. His friend told him, that it is wasn’t the gifts that he enjoyed, but about the friendship that he had with him. In fact this man couldn’t really care less about a gift, it was really the laughter and memories that were important to him. Today they are even closer friends and he has managed to pull himself out of debt.
Sometimes, you need to let go of what you perceive is right based on your ego and do things you know are right for you based on your intuition. Remember, the ego can be good for us as long as we don’t let it take over. When something comes up, and you’re about to react, take a moment and check in with your soul. Are you about to act in the direction of your ego, or is your intuition leading you down a better, more fulfilling path?
